I'm In You!

I've been cock blocked all day the 17th of November 2010. I had mustered the will to get things rolling, stretch the canvas for the next painting, which for now I'll code name it Ace of Wands. The Stretcher bar was warped so I had to order anew one. When ordering it, I had to pay 7$ for shipping for a $2.44 item, I couldn't even afford to buy the small can of paint thinner (which I'm running out of) on the same order. So just as I think of instead going upstairs for privacy and compose a thumbnail version of it, I realize that the bible I had ordered 2 days before hadn't come in yet, unusual for the Amazon shipping deal we have. The feeling always was to push forward with no self-doubt or else my will becomes weakened by “reason” until I stumbled upon what seemed like the Universe stopping my momentum. There were other minute events leading to this conclusion, not worth going over, but I did ask Lisa to pull a few cards for me. The overall message seemed to be “Slow down and evaluate your plans, is it desire or will, you're not seeing the big picture” That's is probably one of the most distressing things for me to hear about myself when I'm determined.

The following day I had many self revelatory insights between my internal dialogues and my creative intuition. I recalled a recent dream I had about coming down to earth in a hermetic role and observing ape shooting off a rocket that looked like the Saturn V from toy-like bazooka, then promptly going back to my heavenly bliss of perpetual orgiastic rapture. I really should write about that dream, it was a big one. Anyway, besides a inner vision about the completion of the Empress tarot painting, I got the idea of buying a toy Saturn V and maybe save it for inclusion in some painting. I came home from working at target, where most of this day-dreaming had taken place as my body moved with or without purpose in a ocean of back-stock, and for no apparent reason, read about the Holy Grail myth. Reading the Wikipedia article on it was interesting, the information sounded legit, but it was the featured artwork that really got me thinking. One thing led to another and next thing I know I was looking at pictures of the Saturn V spacecraft and Nortre Dame's stained glass rose, what a juxtaposition of male and female human achievements... Only after looking at a very affordable toy Saturn V that looks to be about the right size, did it really come together in my mind to revise the original design. It was meant to be, to turn it from my own angry crusade, lashing out at my religious past, into something much bigger that could reach more people, and say more about humanity's expanding horizons in a more elegant fashion.

I am above you and in you

The paradox of infinite Space and the infinite Self, destroying the old in an act of creative consecration, ultimately redeeming it (Shin). It is a baptism in fire, the ruling element of the Aeon, the underlying element in all our modern and future myths for the next few thousand years. We are solar beings, after all.