Extending Outwards

So why does it matter to me? Why should I reach out to people? How does outward relate to the inward?

I chuckle when scientists say that we're social animals, because there is a very strong anti-social aspect to my personality. Yet all my life, people have mattered to me. I grew up seeking approval from parents, teachers, role models and peers, using them as a general guides for approving or reproving myself. That would later change as I grew more alienated from society during college. But even in my infancy, there was always that part of me that wasn't of this earth, the daydreamer who couldn't be bother by others, even my loved ones. This is just one in my long list of paradoxes.

Lets be honest here, daydreamer I may be, but I've always been a show off. I've always strove to distinguish myself from peers. since childhood I've been competitive, a sore winner/loser, have always prized intellect alongside feats of strength and speed. In my earliest memories of test-taking, I used to finish my tests before the class just so I could flip the paper over and draw on it. Why? Not only was it fun but I hoped to impress the teachers into giving me a higher grade. I'm a showman but I was never the outright in-your-face kind of showy. I've always been more subtle. As a 30 year-old man this hasn't changed and understanding this aspect of my human self is the key to channeling it to my benefit.

To answer my previous question, why reach out to old/new friends on facebook and life in general? So that in my own subtle way, I am weaving the spell necessary for my work to germinate in the hearts and minds of all, starting with those closest to me. If I work for the benefit of humanity, would I not want as many of them on my side as possible? Besides covering the overhead cost, what is money compared to the power to bring fire to the hearts of men and women? Since I'm really being honest with myself, this is it. I want power. This begs the question: Does the Artist and the Magus share the same paradox, where in order to attain all power you must relinquish it, surrendering yourself to Love? I believe so.

I'm starting to fly again.

Anyway, to say that my artistic carrier is only fueled by an ambition for power would be way off. I often feel as though I have no choice over fate and creativity just "comes" to me, but I am aware of the power of art through the ages and know the potential role I can play in my age. I am slowly building the momentum that will make my artistic progress an unstoppable force. All the while remaining accessible to all, though probably understood by a few.