Extending Outwards

So why does it matter to me? Why should I reach out to people? How does outward relate to the inward?

I chuckle when scientists say that we're social animals, because there is a very strong anti-social aspect to my personality. Yet all my life, people have mattered to me. I grew up seeking approval from parents, teachers, role models and peers, using them as a general guides for approving or reproving myself. That would later change as I grew more alienated from society during college. But even in my infancy, there was always that part of me that wasn't of this earth, the daydreamer who couldn't be bother by others, even my loved ones. This is just one in my long list of paradoxes.

Lets be honest here, daydreamer I may be, but I've always been a show off. I've always strove to distinguish myself from peers. since childhood I've been competitive, a sore winner/loser, have always prized intellect alongside feats of strength and speed. In my earliest memories of test-taking, I used to finish my tests before the class just so I could flip the paper over and draw on it. Why? Not only was it fun but I hoped to impress the teachers into giving me a higher grade. I'm a showman but I was never the outright in-your-face kind of showy. I've always been more subtle. As a 30 year-old man this hasn't changed and understanding this aspect of my human self is the key to channeling it to my benefit.

To answer my previous question, why reach out to old/new friends on facebook and life in general? So that in my own subtle way, I am weaving the spell necessary for my work to germinate in the hearts and minds of all, starting with those closest to me. If I work for the benefit of humanity, would I not want as many of them on my side as possible? Besides covering the overhead cost, what is money compared to the power to bring fire to the hearts of men and women? Since I'm really being honest with myself, this is it. I want power. This begs the question: Does the Artist and the Magus share the same paradox, where in order to attain all power you must relinquish it, surrendering yourself to Love? I believe so.

I'm starting to fly again.

Anyway, to say that my artistic carrier is only fueled by an ambition for power would be way off. I often feel as though I have no choice over fate and creativity just "comes" to me, but I am aware of the power of art through the ages and know the potential role I can play in my age. I am slowly building the momentum that will make my artistic progress an unstoppable force. All the while remaining accessible to all, though probably understood by a few.

Artist Statement

I've completed my current artist statement after laboring over making myself appear to be clear and concise, without flights into the abstract, where I lose people.

Here it goes.

I am a narrative figurative painter, my work is often mystically charged with symbolism that attempts to tap into the archetypes in humanity's collective unconscious. In doing so, my aim is to subtly evoke mass appeal in my work without compromising my individual artistic vision.

While this sounds as though there is one universal formula for aesthetic experience of my work, it's not so simple. This elusive aesthetic experience is highly subjective, based on individual life experience and cultural upbringing. Its the reason why something like listening to Mahler's 8th symphony may move one person to tears and another to be simply bored to tears. To make matters worse, the human mind likes to identify itself as the sole identity of the individual as reflected in the words “I think therefore I am” The mind is a metaphorical watch-dog by which it believes that all sensual experience should be measured and judged by. It triggers responses like “should I like this?” In a modern society where rationality is so prized, an emotional or intuitive response to art may be often road-blocked by reason, effectively trapping it's beauty within the confines of its high tower. This trend can become downright unhealthy if the mind also blocks the natural flow of the irrational unconscious upon our rational consciousness.

Suppose you were to cross this barrier of conscious thought, you'd be flooded by rich dream imagery filled with personal meaning to the individual's life experience. However, venture far enough in the underworld of the unconscious and you will eventually arrive at what Carl Jung termed collective unconscious, a dream-scape of inherited collective memories of our species. Its a place where ancient shamans and priests were expected to be initiated into, delve into madness, face our archetypes, then return to our world enlightened. Its where the average person unwittingly becomes trapped into in a state of psychosis, unequipped to swim back out of this terrifying place where our collective gods, angels and demons reside. It's common visual metaphors are documented in all cultures in the form of universal themes within the human mythos. This is the language that artists, poets and musicians must master – consciously or intuitively, in order for their work to transcend the abyss of meaninglessness and reach the eternal, communicating esoteric truths about the human spirit across generations of human evolution.

The question still remains, how does one transcend the barriers of rational discrimination? In ancient Greek myth, Hermes, on his descent to the underworld to rescue Persephone, was said to have had to distract the three-headed hound Cerberus with honey cakes in order to move on to deeper realms. The honey cake is a metaphor for the artist's display of technical mastery and virtuosity at his particular medium, the means to satisfy the intellectual demands of our ever evolving brains. Its as though the artist must play the role of a snake charmer in order to communicate the ineffable. Its my firm belief that the success of visual stimuli upon the viewer depends on how much the art penetrates the conscious mind and resonates with the unconscious hidden truths about the Self. This is the place where the the seemingly opposites in the realm of rational thought converge harmoniously, transcending reason altogether, the house of Beauty.

Musings on Music and Technique.

--Listening to Willie the Pimp from Frank Zappa's Hot Rats album, my I-tunes on shuffle through most of his music.

How could I ever hope to match it? I don't think that the language of painting is sophisticated enough articulate what 5 minutes of pure music can communicate to the soul. It a far more abstract language.
Yet, we dream in visuals, the dark cryptic language of the unconscious, individual and collective, is probably my best hope to match the state of mind music evokes. I must speak not just to minds and hearts, but to souls.

--playing Five-five-FIVE

Interesting observation one day as meditated through the use of continuous instrumental music, courtesy of Frank Zappa. It occurred to me that the purpose of technique, in any art form is to hypnotize the mind, to give it something to chew while the artwork communicates with the unfathomable aspects of the soul. So there is essentially no difference between the so called kitsch and high art in pedestals, except the articulation of a message that either succeeds in transcending the limits of rational mind, or not. Its very personal from one individual to another, thus why its so hard to define where one ends and the other begins. Much like Lon Milo Duquette's explanation of the Cabalah as the Zen of the west in its goal to occupy the mind in endless calculations and allow consciousness to expand beyond it's grasp. Music, for example, attempts to connect the listener to the same blissful mental state by various means depending on the endless varieties of tastes, as though they're all roads leading to the same place. Some can have very simple requirements and have an easy time finding pleasure from simple pop tunes. Others however, may suffer from an overdeveloped sense of musical taste and the average three minute generic rock song doesn't do it anymore. This individual then needs to find something of greater technical complexity as if searching for a drug, to get the same high, and perhaps revel in that high in ways most folks aren't curious to explore.

--playing Rat Tomago

Anyway, the point is, as I've always said to myself, but never internalized, the technique is a mean to an end. A Story is only as good as how its told. Some people are happy with children fairy tales like the Bible, others need a Divine Comedy or a Dark Tower.

I'm In You!

I've been cock blocked all day the 17th of November 2010. I had mustered the will to get things rolling, stretch the canvas for the next painting, which for now I'll code name it Ace of Wands. The Stretcher bar was warped so I had to order anew one. When ordering it, I had to pay 7$ for shipping for a $2.44 item, I couldn't even afford to buy the small can of paint thinner (which I'm running out of) on the same order. So just as I think of instead going upstairs for privacy and compose a thumbnail version of it, I realize that the bible I had ordered 2 days before hadn't come in yet, unusual for the Amazon shipping deal we have. The feeling always was to push forward with no self-doubt or else my will becomes weakened by “reason” until I stumbled upon what seemed like the Universe stopping my momentum. There were other minute events leading to this conclusion, not worth going over, but I did ask Lisa to pull a few cards for me. The overall message seemed to be “Slow down and evaluate your plans, is it desire or will, you're not seeing the big picture” That's is probably one of the most distressing things for me to hear about myself when I'm determined.

The following day I had many self revelatory insights between my internal dialogues and my creative intuition. I recalled a recent dream I had about coming down to earth in a hermetic role and observing ape shooting off a rocket that looked like the Saturn V from toy-like bazooka, then promptly going back to my heavenly bliss of perpetual orgiastic rapture. I really should write about that dream, it was a big one. Anyway, besides a inner vision about the completion of the Empress tarot painting, I got the idea of buying a toy Saturn V and maybe save it for inclusion in some painting. I came home from working at target, where most of this day-dreaming had taken place as my body moved with or without purpose in a ocean of back-stock, and for no apparent reason, read about the Holy Grail myth. Reading the Wikipedia article on it was interesting, the information sounded legit, but it was the featured artwork that really got me thinking. One thing led to another and next thing I know I was looking at pictures of the Saturn V spacecraft and Nortre Dame's stained glass rose, what a juxtaposition of male and female human achievements... Only after looking at a very affordable toy Saturn V that looks to be about the right size, did it really come together in my mind to revise the original design. It was meant to be, to turn it from my own angry crusade, lashing out at my religious past, into something much bigger that could reach more people, and say more about humanity's expanding horizons in a more elegant fashion.

I am above you and in you

The paradox of infinite Space and the infinite Self, destroying the old in an act of creative consecration, ultimately redeeming it (Shin). It is a baptism in fire, the ruling element of the Aeon, the underlying element in all our modern and future myths for the next few thousand years. We are solar beings, after all.

Insane Sanity.

I can only maintain my sanity by being insane.

I've become obsessed with transcendence, not surprisingly so since I've never been very earthly. I'm not implying that spiritual rapture and earthliness are exclusive opposites, but that my innate tendency has always been to dream with open eyes. In fact I've been practicing my observations of the mundane and I'm starting to find meaning in everything, almost to the point of absurdity. Sometimes I can't help but to communicate these musings to other people, who often take my remarks as the stereotypical sign of my eccentricity.

I was going somewhere with this, but Phil came over and I spent some time talking to him him. I'm glad he visited, he needs time on his own or with friends he trusts to define his own identity, then he can devote time to his marriage with Danielle re-energized. Everyone needs time to pursue their own true identity, it could be spiritual or creative development, reading, meditation or just idle chatter with a casual friend. No matter how much I get into my head, I want to be available for my friends and family.

My RPG Stats

Luiz Teles IRL D&D Multiclass Stats
Level 30 human, level 12 artist, level 10 paladin, level 2 mage.

Unconscious Language.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but in truth, all the words in human speech do not amount to a single image. Art is the language of the unconscious, of angels, demons and gods. Its the language of 6. Speech is susceptible to the "curse of Thoth", that is why I fail miserably at expressing my thoughts in words.

Existence is Pure Joy

“Existence is pure joy”. As I look back at every moment of my life, even in my times of greatest pain and sorrow, that statement holds true. To say that life is beautiful sounds like a happy-go-lucky cliché, but there has been beauty dancing on the edge of my consciousness in my moments of greatest despair. With memories, bathed in a feeling of nostalgia which color my otherwise cold evaluation of past events in my life, I can see how every moment, every second of existence is pure joy.

So my logical challenge is this: How do I translate all that I feel, all the unseen, the transient eternal beauty present in every conscious moment in people, places and time into a painting? This has to be what makes a work of art great to other individuals, to depict a mood out of an specific time and space that connects with the viewer's spectrum of memory, imagination or experience. Yet these are simultaneously so specific and so collective that artists like me are left baffled by this hierophantic task. Its the definition of Art to unite opposites, the ugly and the beautiful, the great and small, the Great Work of alchemy accessible to nearly every human being in the planet, without so much as a single mystical text as a requirement. Its the visual equivalent of Tiphareth, Beauty, a reflection of the supreme truth beyond the abyss where all dualities are harmoniously conjoined in One. Art is a reflection of the Silver Star, the innermost self in pure brilliance, which is both the individual's true identity, and One with the collective Universe. Such is the incomprehensible paradox of Art while the lower world of reason is its greatest enemy. The most dangerous critic is one whose mind is monopolized by the Ruach, and refuse to acknowledge that which is beyond itself and therefore cannot grasp its magick, its a blow to the ego brain. They are slaves of reason trapped in their carefully build Tower of “why” and “because.” Donald Kuspit, a critic whose essays I've enjoyed reading has often criticized post-modernist philosophy's celebration of the banality of life. His strongest argument against it is in the criticism of works by artists which depict the great common end of all reason – death.


“Serious consciousness of destruction and death shakes the self to its depths, especially because it involves the consciousness that they are an inalienable, fundamental part of the self. Faced with its own annihilation, the self loses all sense of itself. Recognizing that it will be destroyed and die – realizing to its very depths that it is ultimately nothing – it can no longer manage its feelings and loses its mind. But if it re-cognizes and re-realizes them through art, the self can plumb the depths of destruction and death itself and the world... Art can never give it the enlightenment of Buddha, but the aesthetic experience can show the self that life is not futile, however limited.”


The question still remains, how in my lifetime, will I succeed in expressing even a quarter of my human experience? A star may go unnoticed for the Aeons, until the moment before its death, it flashes fourth its brightest light, transcending the luminescence of its entire existence. In that moment of supernova the star sacrifices itself – a sacrifice of itself, to itself, and explodes so that the farthest corners of the visible Universe may observe it. The Artist loses part of himself in every painting, every work is a small sacrifice, time taken away from experiencing humanity, to projecting human experience in a self-imposed mental or physical isolation - a sacrifice of myself, to myself. Prominent occult author Lon Milo Duquette says that while it may be true that “every enlightened person is crazy, not every crazy person is enlightened.” Enlightenment is the goal of the artist and the mystic, for losing one's self in the ocean of paradoxical insanity is a real danger for both. So as the light of a star's supernova travels across time and space, by the time it reaches us it becomes a “painting” of that star's past - the single moment in time of its most intense experience, hundreds of thousands years ago. Will we see it? Will it move us to wonder at its awe, the majesty of a star's full blast? Yes and no. The light is there to be seen by those who look for it in the vast infinite of space, for those who are not looking, the star is indifferent. It was, after all, a sacrifice of its outer self to its innermost truest self.

There are no words that can answer my rhetorical question, only actions. To embrace every experience and let my inner light guide how much makes it onto the canvas for the benefit of humanity. That said, I have nothing left but to embrace the methods of this particular facet of my true self, the chemical composition that fuels the inner core of my star and burn them even brighter than the Sun.

Facebook Art

In response to Odd's Facebook Hitler gig.

"This Facebook statement is art as it has the potential to affect how people view the world, relying on concept, rather than traditional technical skills. It's a work in progress"

Faith no More - Live

I went to the Faith no More concert in Brooklyn last night. That was the first concert where I've actually loved the band prior to watching them live, also my first FNM concert ever. Its nice to share that experience with Lisa, since she's been wanting to see them live for 16 years, and 12 years since she last had a chance and missed out on it.

The performance was better than I even imagined it would be. The stage was facing the NYC skyline and Mike Patton repeatedly said "Why the fuck are you people staring at our ugly asses, turn around and look behind you, you guys live here!" Its great to know the words and sing along to songs you've loved for years. Mike has a great stage presence with a voice that blows my mind. He is multi-talented, his face so full of character and lively expressions was he acts every lyric out of the voices in the songs. He could be an actor if he so chose. Every band member was phenomenal, though they finished a bit early, I was hoping for a few ore songs out of Angel Dust, but the ones they played were perfectly good choices.

They're pretty significant since I was really getting into their music in 08 during the course of my early spiritual enlightenment. I can't hear Epic, without thinking of the Art major, beyond the path of the Tower. To hear it live, I had to rock the fuck out to it!

I hope they come around here again.

My thoughts on the BP oil spill.

I friended artist Richard Thomas Scott on Facebook, I like his work. In a relevant link on his wall, I had this to say, which I realized is pretty much all I have to say on the matter.

The only possible good that can come from this corporate blunder is a re-evaluation by the US supreme court of their recent decision to grant equal rights to corporations as individuals.

An individual would obviously have sole blame, have criminal charges against him, undergo sentencing and do time. Yet how can a corporation be immune to due punitive process, while retaining the same benefits?

The US congressional hearing from BP corporate is a joke. Its a show of the political establishment to make a display of outrage under the pretense of representing the people, a show to please an angry mob. They're in fact powerless to do anything about what's been done.

Artists Discover Facebook

Interesting phenomenon - Facebook and current figurative artists I admire.

Being more in touch with the 'inter-webs' than the average devoted painter, I've had Facebook for over a year. I spent hours looking for them and when I couldn't find anyone, I felt sure that we're all alone. I thought that we were all "stars" but very far away from one another, like wizards locked away in our precious little towers, too busy to give a damn about forging any kind of online community with similar artistic or intellectual interests.

That might still be true for the most part, but some of them DID join FB and I've recently "friended" a number of them. Odd Nerdgrum has been doing a portrait contest of women as subjects, a very proactive thing to do for the artist community. I've seen some very good art that way. Eric Fishl has had a few interesting discussions in his wall. Vincent Desiderio, as expected, is ever the hermit. I sent him a "hello" message with a good quote from Crowley on Art. Lisa said it was too long, and she's probably right, but the guy is busy and I don't blame him if he doesn't really pay any mind, I probably would do the same.

Sometimes I think I try to connect with other artists for myself, regardless if I'm noticed. I feel that it connects me to a greater web, my Will tapping into that net making my consciousness part of it. It reinforces the notion that I stand amongst them as an equal, and my momentary obscurity has no bearing on the execution of my vision.

Its also fascinating to see myself as a link between the art and the occult community as my online network widens.

Kahlil Gibran on Death

Interesting little piece of treasure I found lurking Topix.com JW's message board. I think this guy is really well on his path away from that religious poison of the past.

I especially had to make note of this poem, it may come in handy fro my project.

Grandpasmurf952

While I never had the good fortune to meet Ray Franz personally I would like to share this poem with those who were encouraged by Ray Franz in their struggle to be free as I think it is one he would have enjoyed once free of the organization.

On Death by
Kahlil Gibran

"You would know the secret of death.
But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?
The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.
If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.
For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.

In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond;
And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring.
Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.
Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour.
Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king?
Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?

For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?

Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.

My Tarot

So working on my own tarot deck... overwhelming! Lisa first suggested it to me and the idea sounded pleasant enough, after a while I actually wondered why it hadn't occurred to me on my own, then I thought of the sheer volume of it, 78 paintings, small in scale, but monumental in content and meaning. Starting with the 22 majors The Fool alone blew my mind, now I'm on The Magus with The High Priestess design ready and developing sketches for The Aeon (my favorite so far) The Emperor, The Hierophant and Justice. All of this really took off after a small version of the Strength card I made as a gift for Michele, I've since been making all these cards in 8''x11" stretched oil-primed linen. The challenge at first was from Michele's suggestion to try and paint something powerful in small scale, as opposed to the (relatively) large pieces I've started.

My purpose exactly is not to "better" Crowley and Lady Harris' Thoth deck, but to bring some of its esoteric pictorial symbolism up to date with recent scientific discoveries using primarily the human figure as means of divine expression as it has been done since the Renaissance. A real observation, which Lisa agrees with, is the fact that much of the decks we observe, and she's collected are far more illustrative in its technique and stylistic approach than what you might expect from a fine figurative artist. In this statement, I'm not saying one is better than the other, but that there is an aesthetic imbalance. Why couldn't these supreme narrative archetypes of the microcosm and macrocosm be treated in greater reverence than little color pictures in cards? Something the eyes of the general public, unlearned on mystical symbolism could see as Fine Art (I use that term loosely given the conditions of post-modernist art)

If I'm not mistaken Harris' were actual paintings on canvases, in oils, a very traditional approach, and now the originals are probably in that hallowed status that one might hold a piece by Salvador Dali (not that I have a clue about monetary worth people give them.) The only appropriate medium for me is oil on canvas, for all the power of its traditional associations. For centuries artists have engaged in the preparation of their materials, the stretching of canvases, grinding their own pigments, a very intimate relationship with the production of this object, that would in turn, when completed adorn churches, palaces, and now museums. Hell... I'm pampered in comparison to the Old Masters, yet following some of the tradition of building these paintings is an act of weaving the spell in creating these objects of power, I earnestly pray, that my Love can be "read" in the reproduction of these paintings. I hope that through the Aeon, those who see them in person, are moved by them. Lisa tells me that I'm becoming a hybrid, half artist, half magus, if this is for the purpose of my True Will in doing these paintings, then I better not fuck it up!

One other unique point of view is that my conceptual deck may have is an underlying Aquarian point of view. Crowley and Harris were still in a very Piscean age, I however am a Aquarian artist who has experienced a real transition from the Piscean to Aquarian astrological Age of the planet. My intuition tells me that this is not a coincidence, and it imbues me with a sense of purpose. When I say "Aquarian age", however, I really don't mean any shallow fluffy bunny new age-ey-ness, but a serious hidden influence in the collective consciousness of mankind, coupled with the Aeon of Horus. Perhaps Aquarius is embodied in the universally beautiful arabesque figures I'm dreaming up for the majors so far.

Here is the problem I'm running into: I am overwhelmed by my mind, more precisely by the insecurity created by that which I do not yet know. Even if for 90% of other tarot artists, this is an intuitive process, coming from the cabalistic worlds above Ruach, the mind, I feel that I have to stretch my mind to the limits of its capabilities. I am uncomfortable when I discover some hidden truth while the painting is in progress and see that its already there but I wasn't aware of it. It gets worse if I feel the need to change something according to my new discovery. Crowley guided Harris near the end of his life, with all that he had experienced and learned. I am a Fool in the truest sense of the word, trying to be a Magus. I have to keep studying and meditating.

In two years I've found spiritual liberation and my path to enlightenment, for the past year I've been studying with the purpose of finding my True Will, now I have the momentum of the Universe behind my Work. This higher purpose continues to help me shed that stereotypical artistic ego. Now I seek nothing for myself from this project, but glory on behalf of the Human race, praised be Horus the Conquering Child for ever and ever.

Time Management

*sigh* I haven't updated this in a while again, its easy to stop when I feel like I have to write so much every update, I get carried away in the moment of writing and go on to write a novel. Then I look back and realize how much time spent in each entry and start to think of it as a chore.

I plan on maybe starting a new blog to document the exoteric side of my magical workings and the process of creating my own Thoth based tarot deck. This way I can keep this mostly about art, as so much of it has been overlapping. Then I may run the danger of leaving this blog altogether, since spiritual enlightenment is the only worthwhile subject I feel I should paint about, all else seems like child's play by comparison. That leaves only my Dusk of the Dead paintings to talk about, and even those have a genuine mystical symbolism. So I guess I just talked or wrote myself into keeping this as is, and maybe changing the description a little, why would I add more "homework" for myself with more blogs?

The shower is the best place for brilliant ideas, must be the flow of water similar to that in the Star card, the collective unconscious, coming from the Greater Heh into my little microcosmic head.

Yesterday I had the idea to paint, and destroy 2 consecutive paintings, then rebuild from the ashes the third, I'll leave it at this so that I don't forget about it later in life, too much going on now, it would be a ritual of great power.

Today I came up with ways to categorize my time:

Absorption: reading, research, * successful* meditation, I'll even call it pondering an idea, putting it "in my pipe and smoking it"

Application: Magical workings, Drawing/painting studies, working out of ideas composition, sketches, meditation.

Projection: The final destination to much of what I learn in the previous two, imparting my insights to others, Painting with a capital "P" sure of where I'm going with it, writing this blog, writing my thoughts down.

The rest falls into two categories, Work as in job to make money so I can eat and lastly, Fun.

With this maybe I can now better manage my time, and prioritize things, I've been mostly Absorbing this passed winter, but necessarily so.